Obedience...

6 months ago today I began my NEW LIFE, a NEW LIFE of CHANGE!!!

As of today, Monday, March 22, 2010, my current weight is 256lbs.

minus 170lbs. since February 20, 2009

minus 110lbs. since September 28, 2009

Waist size:

February 20, 2009 - 64

March 22, 2010 - 40

Shirt size:

February 20, 2009 - 6XL

March 22, 2010 - 2XL

Shoe size:

February 20, 2009 - 12EEE

March 22, 1020 - 11M

Today, I Thank God for keeping His promise to me as I began my JOURNEY of a NEW LIFE!!

Today, I Thank each of YOU for walking alongside me as I struggled through the first several months of my JOURNEY! Words will never express my gratefulness for those of you who continue to encourage me, struggle with me, share the rough days as well as the many many good days with me. I know that many of you have at times wanted to tell me to fly far away, but instead, you continued to love me, encourage me and fight with me! I say to you today that WE have WON THE BATTLE!!

You may ask me how I can be so confident in those words, well, I can tell you how...

When you are OBEDIENT to Christ and follow through in the direction that He sets forth in your life, there is no room for Satan to defeat you. God says that the battle is His and let me tell you, I am so glad that I gave up my worldly fight and decided to give in to my spiritual fight!

I have said many times in my blog, my everyday conversations, that God has kept His promise to me, He has yet to fail me and I know without a doubt that He will never fail me.

My last entry was one that I struggled to write, but when I began this JOURNEY, I promised God, myself and each of you that I would be open, honest and straight forward about my life and how I was dealing with the changes that were taking place. I fought tooth and nail with my inner being and my spirit not to write that entry, but I was reminded that I made a promise and I had to keep my promise as God has kept His.

Before I go any further, I want to share with you what I had continued to pray for in my life the past several months. Not only did I pray for it, but I begged for it, I waited patiently for it and it just didn't seem to come to past. I prayed for INNER PEACE. I prayed that I would be at peace with myself, with who I am and who I have become. I prayed that I would have peace with several situations pertaining to family and friends, but I continued to struggle with obstacles and I just didn't know why. I continued to wake up each day unhappy and feeling alone, yes, I was beginning to look good from a physical state, but mentally, I struggled with happiness.

FINALLY, I listened to my inner spirit and began to follow through with what I was hearing, people, can I tell you something, when you are OBEDIENT to God, my, my, my how life can change for the better!!

God has continued to tell me to let go and draw closer to Him, and I will tell you that I thought I was doing just that, only to realize that I was failing! Once I gave into His request and began to draw closer to Him, my world flipped right side up and everyday since then I wake up refreshed and with a new outlook on life!

OBEDIENCE, OBEDIENCE, OBEDIENCE!! WOW, it's amazing how your life can change within a split second for the better when you follow Christ's lead!

Folks, I feel like a new man, a refreshed man, I feel like a WINNER!!

God promised me the PRIZE if I was OBEDIENT to Him and I can honestly say that everyday I awake and breathe the breath of life, He has awarded me with the PRIZE!

I listened to a sermon delivered by Joel Osteen, I actually downloaded it to my ipod so when days seem to be rough, I can quickly go back and listen to it, the sermon was titled "Living Life Happy".

Happiness is a choice. It's easy to come up with excuses to delay our happiness. If we have to always wait for something to happen to make us happy, we will find that there is always something else that can keep us from being happy. Psalm 118 says, "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." When you understand that God is directing your steps, you know in full confidence that where you are is not an accident; it's all a part of God's divine plan. Learn to be happy where God has you right now. Make the choice to celebrate each day as a gift from God. As you choose to live your life happy, you'll not only enjoy life more, but you'll brighten the day for others and see God open new doors in your life to get you where you want to be. God promises your joy will be full.

I have made the choice to be HAPPY! I wake up everyday now, and choose to make it a HAPPY day, I choose to display JOY in my daily activities!!

I have learned that what comes out of your mouth, becomes who you are.

If you speak negative words, you begin to live out those words, so each day when I am asked how I am doing, I answer with these very words "I AM DOING GREAT" and let me tell you, speaking those very words has become my life, I do feel great and I know that as long as I speak HAPPY, POSITIVE words, I will continue to live them out!!

I have made up in my mind to CELEBRATE each day as it is a gift from God!! I've made up my mind that I am not going to waste another day, I am going to CELEBRATE each day as a gift from God. Happiness is a choice, why not choose to be HAPPY!!!

The bible says in the book of Psalms that JOY comes in the morning. God sends us a special delivery of JOY when we wake up in the morning, let's open our heart and receive the gift of JOY!

I can't end this entry without reminding each of you that ...

YOU ARE #1 IN YOUR LIFE

Remember to take care of yourself first, so that when others need you, you will be able to take care of them!!

Job 36:11 - If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers and always know that I continue to pray for each of you!!

I LOVE YOU TO LIFE!!

Until next post,
GOD SPEED!

Tony

...but GOD!

I sit here today not really knowing what to say, where to begin or even how to say it, but, the one thing I do want to say today is... THANK YOU!

Today, as I woke from a night of comfortable, peaceful sleep, I began by saying THANK YOU to my heavenly Father, for without Him, nothing that I have accomplished over the past 5 months or even the last year would have been possible.

You see, over the past year there have been many a morning that I have awakened with a spirit of letting go and giving up on my journey, but each day I continued along my journey, I prayed that God would keep me and surround me with His grace and mercy.

I have come to realize that no matter how hard my struggles may seem, how difficult my journey has proven to be, that as long as I reach out and draw unto Him, I continue to make it through each day!! ...but GOD!!

Over the past month I have had to cross some obstacles that have taken a toll on my emotional state of mind, things that have made me vulnerable to the voice of Satan himself. You see, my mind and emotional state has not quite caught up with my physical, outwardly appearance. You may ask, "well, what do you mean", well, what I mean is this... when I look in the mirror I see a thinner, healthier man, but to myself I see a man who is facing many more challenges and obstacles soon to come along the journey... the strong possibility of cosmetic surgery down the road, struggles and challenges of eating, not really being a part of outings with friends and family, because they really don't know how to approach me or invite me to functions where their is food or beverages, so instead of inviting me, they basically leave me out of the equation, of course because it's easier for them to deal with, but what they don't realize is this.... IT HURTS ME when I find out that gatherings or outings have taken place and I wasn't involved.

Satan takes the opportunity during these times to play on my emotions. When I reach out to those I love and care for and have loved and cared for through the low times in their life, it seems as though they are to busy or so involved in their daily life, that they ignore that they have a friend who is in need of a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a simple hug or even a few encouraging words... but GOD!!

I will share something with you today that first off is embarrassing to say, but remember, I said in the beginning that I would not hold back and I would share everything that was going on in my journey... I never ever in my entire 44 years of living thought I would ever feel or say these words, but, 3 1/2 weeks ago I allowed Satan to take control of my life and within an instant second I decided that I no longer wanted to fight! This particular day I met with a very dear friend to share how I was feeling inside about myself, about them and how they have begun to treat me the past 4 months. After spilling my feelings and emotions and of course allowing them the opportunity to spill theirs, I felt as if it just wasn't worth the fight any longer. After leaving the discussion and feeling as though I just spilled my feelings all over an empty table where their was a body sitting across from me, but really wasn't taking anything in that I said, I felt it was time to give up! Again, I never ever thought that I would be vulnerable enough to be caught in the emotional state that I was in at that time, but I was, and at the time Satan took advantage of it.

As I was driving home, I was listening to XM Praise Radio, trying to relax my mind, but as I began my trek across the Missouri River I looked over the side rail and seen the swift moving cold waters and thought to myself, this is it, now is the opportunity to end it all...I slowed my vehicle down from a quick 75mph to a mere 35mph, put my hazard blinkers on and as I began to pull to the shoulder of the highway a soft internal voice spoke to me and said "Why would you end it all now, when you have accomplished so much in such a short time, WHY?"

You know, I couldn't answer the WHY, because that internal voice was right, I have accomplished so much in such a short time. God has made possible all the things that I have asked Him for thus far, a healthier me, to share my story with the world, to touch just one life if not more during this journey, but more so to make it possible to experience so many blessings during this short time and to share them with others around me... all the things that I asked Him for in the beginning! ...but GOD!!

Well, you guessed it right, I turned off my hazard lights, picked up speed and ventured along my way, leaving behind me the swift moving cold waters and those feelings of giving up, I guess you could say that I left my feelings and thoughts to be swept away with the swift moving cold waters. Once again, Satan was defeated in what he had set out to do!! ...but GOD!!

As I drove closer to home, I decided to stop at my church in hopes that my brother, friend and pastor would be there... I pulled in the parking lot and called only to get a voicemail, but I left a message and walked to the door in hopes that it was unlocked, only to find it locked. As I walked back to my vehicle, my cell phone rang and it was the one that I felt I could share my thoughts and feelings with. As I sat in his office, tears streaming down my face, he looked at me and said "Tony, this is the time when God wants you to draw closer to HIM!" WOW!! Those words couldn't have come at a better time! ...but GOD!!

As I continue my journey, each day truly gets brighter, the difficult challenges are becoming easier and I find my spirit being more joyful. A co-worker looked me in the eyes last evening during a work outing and said to me, "Tony, your smile is so bright and contagious." See, it's the simple words that mean so much to me, because a year ago, I wouldn't have had a smile on my face!

Today, I visited a very dear friend and as I walked through the front door she looked at me and with a GREAT BIG smile on her face, she said "Brotha, you are lookin' good!" You see, it's the simple things that now make my day and today has been an AWESOME day!! ...but GOD!!

As I close this blog I want to first ask that I not be judged by what I have shared today, but take in what I have shared and ask yourself how many times has God pulled you through your lowest of lows and continued on with you during your journey in life?!! ...but GOD!!

If it had not been for the Lord on my side, where would I be?

He kept my enemies away

He let the sun shine, though a cloudy day

He wrapped me in the cradle of His arms when He knew I'd been battered and torn

He never left me all alone

He gave me peace and joy I've never known

He answered when I knelt to Him in prayer and in victory the Lord brought me this way.

If it had not been for the Lord on my side, where would I be?!?!

...but GOD!!

I have learned some very hard lesson's during this journey, but one thing I know for sure... God will NEVER leave me nor forsake me!!!

When the road seems to rough to travel, when people seem to push away when I need them most, I know that it is then, that I draw closer to God, for He will be by my side! ...but GOD!!

Today, I asked that you continue to keep me uplifted in prayer... pray for my family and my friends. Pray for healing in my Uncle Arthur Burns, my dear friend Julia, my cousin Jill and for wisdom in the doctors that are trying to diagnose the problem in my little friend Jack Heller, and pray for peace for my dear friends The Schoonover's.

As I always say...

YOU ARE #1 IN YOUR LIFE

Take care of yourself first so that you can take care of those in need around you!!

I give my unconditional love to each of you that reads this entry!!

Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers!

YOU ARE APPRECIATED!!

Until next post,
GOD SPEED

Tony