Let go and let God

I'm not sure where to start, but, I feel like I need to post something this evening.

Today, my spirit has been in shambles. I woke up in a very foul mood and everything that was brought to my attention, upset me that much more. Finally my wife said to me "honey, you need to find your happy place!". Of course I tried to fuss with her, but she looked at me, turned her chair around and pretty much ignored me. I knew that I really did need to find my happy place, so, I reached out and touched God's hand, after all, it was just a short reach away.

God spoke to my spirit and said "son, let go and lean on me".

Well, I had a choice, but, was I going to be dis-obedient or obey the words that He spoke to me? Huh, I might be stubborn, but let me tell you, I have had enough hard knocks in life due to being dis-obedient, so, I chose to LET GO AND LET GOD!!

I spent a good part of the day ripping and running, trying to stay busy, but I also spent much of the time talking to my Heavenly Father! Lord what would I do without you? I also stopped in to visit a couple of co-workers, mostly to reassure them that I was going to be fine. We shared in some laughter, it was very good to laugh today, as I really had a sad spirit. See, I am human too, and no matter how much encouragement I give to others, there is a REAL side to me, a side that I deal with daily, but I manage to make it through each day because I choose to let God walk in this journey with me, that we all call life! Also, your words of encouragement and the love that you cover me with, continue to give me that UMPH to press forward, as I know that each of you are rooting for me in my journey to be a HEALTHIER, HAPPIER me!!

I feel like I am rambling on and really not saying much of anything, but, maybe that's why I felt in my spirit that I needed to post something, maybe this is for me, my outlet to releasing and letting GOD!

I will end tonights blog entry with the words to a song that has played in my spirit all day.

Let Go and Let God (Dewayne Woods)

I couldn't seem to fall asleep
There was so much on my mind
Searching for that peace
But the peace I could not find
So then I knealed down to pray
Praying help me please
Then He said you don't have to cry
Cause I'll supply all your needs
As sooon as I stop worrying
Worrying how the story ends
I let go and I let God
Let God have His way
That's when things start happening
I'll stop looking back then
I let go and I'll let God have His way
There is much going on
Sometimes I can't find my way
And often times I struggle
Struggle from day to day
I have to realize that it's not my battle
It's not my battle to fight
I have to know if I to put it in His hands
That everything will be alright
Let go...Let God
My brother let go
And let God
My sister you can't handle it
Let God
Oh let go
And let God
Let go
Let God

I hope that those words minister to your spirit. I pray that each one that reads this blog entry, will find that inner peace as you LET GO AND LET GOD!!

In closing, I would like to take this time to again say THANK YOU to all who have commented, sent emails, phone calls and prayed many prayers. I ask that God bless you abundantly! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep them coming!!

Also, I want to ask that each of you add to your prayer list my new sister in Christ, Kristen Cox (Oklahoma City), who has obeyed God and began her journey to beat the BEAST. Kristen will be walking with Jesus, 1000 miles in 365 days. She began her journey 7 days ago, and I want to say CONGRATULATIONS on completing her 7 miles in 7 days, she is on her way to BEATING the monsters that have consumed her! I will be walking with Kristen in spirit as I continue to walk my journey!

Kristen, KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!

A SPECIAL thank you to my very dear friend Robyn, for sharing Kristen's blog with me, and for sharing my blog with Kristen. Robyn, Kristen and I will be a wealth of encouragement for each other!

I can't close tonight without once again telling each of you, and reading it again for myself, that...

"YOU ARE #1 IN YOUR LIFE"

lets all remember to take care of ourselves first, so that we can continue to take care of each other!

NIV Psalms 73:24 - You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

My BIG day begins in less than 40 hours!! Counting down each second, every minute, hour by hour with EXCITEMENT!

Look for me to post from the other side!

Be EXCITED!

Until next post,

God Speed!

Tony

Moving forward with EXCITEMENT!

Ice Cube said it best...
"Today Was A Good Day!"

A BIG THANK YOU to those of you who continue to pray for me, my family and friends, for the encouraging words that you speak to me, and the continued care and concern that each of you show!

Well..... WOW! and Thank You Jesus! is all I can say today!!

This past week has been somewhat trying, nerve racking and to say the least, draining, BUT, I am still giving PRAISES to my Heavenly Father!

Today, my surgeon, Dr. Stanley Hoehn, gave me the FINAL clearance for surgery. Today, He and I spent quite a bit of time together. He went over every single page of reports that he has received from the different medical procedures, blood work, etc., that I have had done in the past 8 months, and when I say every report, I mean every report. This man is very thorough and explained in detail what each report read. Long story short, everything looked fantastic and the only minor issue that I have is a deficiency in vitamin D....problem solved, I stopped by the drug store, picked up a bottle of Vitamin D and all is good in the neighborhood!! LOL!!

Surgery is scheduled Monday, September 28th at 8:45am. I am very excited and somewhat nervous, but, I know without a doubt, that I am doing the right thing to get my life back in order from a health perspective.

As you go through the week, I ask that if at any point, you are thinking about me, stop what you are doing and say a prayer. The word of God says that when there are two or three who come together in His name, that He will be amongst them.

As I always say...

YOU ARE #1 IN YOUR LIFE!!

remember to first take care of yourself and then those around you!!

As I close this blog entry this evening, I am reminded to pray a special prayer for our soldiers who are fighting for us overseas.

Also, I ask that you pray for my wonderful friend Robyn's dad, pray for his strength, healing and peace during this time of radiation treatment, and pray for Robyn and her family as they walk this journey with him!!

KJV Matthew 18:20 - For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Until the next update,

God Speed!

Tony

Update: Wednesday, September 23rd - Please continue to keep Robyn and her family in prayer. Today, her father-in-law was admitted to the hospital after a visit to have an MRI done. The results show that he has had a stroke. Robyn is very stressed with everything that is going on with her family, so I ask that you pray for her peace!

BUMP in the road is behind me....

I took this picture a few years ago and with Fall setting in, I thought it was fitting!

NIV Romans 11:36 - For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.


THANK YOU to all who kept me, my wife and mom in your thoughts and prayers yesterday as I went through the heart catheter procedure!


Well, what can I say today, but THANK YOU Lord for all the things that you have done, are doing and will continue to do in my life!!


Yesterday was a long day, but a GREAT DAY!!


Prior to laying my head down Tuesday evening, I prayed to God that He would blanket my mind, my spirit and soul with peace. Yesterday morning we began our day at 6am. I woke up apprehensive with a little fear, but during my shower I again prayed for that blanket of peace.

We arrived at the hospital just before 7am, I checked in and by 7:45am I was taken to the Cardiac Cath Lab where the heart catheter procedure would take place.


Once we arrived at the Cath Lab, soon after a middle aged bald gentleman came out and called my name, I happened to be on the phone with my pastor at that time, but this gentleman told me to take my time and there was no hurry. After rushing my pastor off the phone, I was taken back to my room and once again I knew that God was with me!! You ask why did I know that?, Well, here's why....


The middle aged bald gentleman that came out to get me happened to be my nurse for the day and all I can say is that he made my entire day a fun, relaxing day!!! Ron Sanders, R.N. is his name, and can I tell you that I wish every nurse in the medical field had the zest and love for their job like Ron does!! He joked with me, teased my wife and mom and he never once allowed us to be without!


When the technician came to get me for the procedure (9:30am), Ron looked me in the eyes and said "Don't worry, there will be no major issues and you will come back to your room cleared for
surgery!"


I was rolled into the room by a younger gentleman who was also a very caring, concerned nurse and he also put me at ease. I was then prepped for the procedure, and soon after, Dr. Sabapathy came in, spoke to me briefly about what was going to take place and before I knew it, he was in the Femoral Artery and doing his thing! I watched the first 30 minutes of the procedure as I never did go to sleep, and the last 30 minutes I was told to turn my head as the x-ray machine just about whopped me upside the head!! LOL!!


I never felt any pain during the procedure, only a little pressure when he cut me to enter the Femoral Artery, and as he fed the camera and other tools through the artery into the heart.


I can say that that was the neatest thing to watch take place. I seen the camera flow up the artery into my heart, and then when he shot the dye into my heart, the arteries and veins came alive on the screen!! WOW!! How neat to see your heart actually pumping blood through your body, so neat what God has created in our bodies!!


After about an hour, Dr. Sabapathy completed the procedure and plugged the artery so that it would not bleed, he looked at me and said "ALL IS GOOD"!!


Ron was waiting for me when I arrived back in my room and immediately began to make me comfortable and began to share very critical information with me about the next 6-7 hours!!

Soon after, Dr. Sabapathy came in with a piece of paper the size of a prescription request and said that it was my clearance to go forward with surgery!! He informed me that my heart was excellent and my arteries were nice and large, very clear and there was only one that was 30% blocked, but no concern as I was on track to keep it under control!!



WHEW, RELIEF!!!!!! Now I can breathe easy!!


So, remember I said that Ron began to share some very critical information about the next 6 hours, well, all I can say is the next 6 hours was the worst part of this entire procedure!! LOL!!


I had to lay on my back, right leg straight, head on the pillow, and if I moved my leg or raised my head one time during the 6-7 hour span, it would be FATAL!! OUCH!! Hey, that got my attention real quick!!


Side note: I was told it would take approximately 3 seconds to bleed to death from the Femoral Artery that he entered!!!


I then began the longest 6-7 hours of my life....Ron was serious about what he told me, but he made us feel so comfortable as he continued to tease and joke with the 3 of us! (To bad he is not 8-10 years older because he would have been on a date with mom by the evening) LOL!!


Well, finally at about 11am, Ron brought me in a tasty turkey sandwich with baked Lay's potato chips, apple and a Sprite Zero... can I tell you that at that point I could have ate the rearend out of a skunk!!(one of the many, funny things my dad used to say, but he used a little different word for rearend). Remember, I had been fasting since Sunday with everything that had been going on this week!!


Every hour or two, Ron had to check the wound where the entry to the artery was plugged up to make sure there were no signs of bleeding. At noon, he brought me in a Vallium as I was having some comfort issues and back pain, well, it was then night night time for about an hour or so.


I woke up at about 1:15pm, and I won't go into detail, but a very embarrassing, but hilarious situation took place!! All I can say is, "I'm SORRY VERN!!" LOL!!

Ron came in at 1:45pm to check on me, by this time he had another patient, an elderly gentleman (Wilbur) that kept him on his P's & Q's!! LOL!! I had another 30 minutes before I could move or get up out of the bed, and can I tell you, that was going to be a very loooooooong 30 minutes, but, Ron was nice and at the 15 minute mark, he came in and checked the wound and gave me the ok to get up and make a run for the gents room!! WHEW, what a relief!!


I was then able to sit in a chair for another 30-45 minutes before I received the ok to go home...Ron informed Vern and Mom that he was sorry, but they would have to take care of all my needs the rest of the day, and there would be no "HONEY DO LIST" for me to do for the next 3 days! Boy, I am so glad somebody had my back!! Thanks Ron!! Did I tell you that Ron was a God send for the day?


At 3:15pm, Ron allowed me to go home. He sent Vern down to get the car, but, well, when he and I made it down stairs, Vern was nowhere to be found....HMMMM, what happened to Vern? Well, a few minutes later she pops up behind us(somebody didn't follow Ron's directions)....Ron was so nice that he wheeled me to my parked car so that Vern wouldn't have to go get it! What an awesome guy!!


A VERY BIG THANK YOU to Ron Sanders, R.N. , Dr. Rajendran Sabapathy and his staff, and all the other staff at Shawnee Mission Medical Center for taking such awesome care of me, my wife and mom!!


I spent the rest of the evening relaxing and sleeping. Finally at about 8pm, the wound, nerves and muscles began to come alive, I had some discomfort, but knowing that I was cleared for surgery, it was all worth it!!

Today, I am relaxing, updating the blog and enjoying the wonderful breeze coming in the windows. I am sore and moving a little slow, but I know that with time I will forget all about it!!


I am sure the next week and a half, I will be anxious, emotional and maybe even fearful, but God has let me know in many ways the last 8 months, that I am doing the right thing in taking control of my life and becoming a HEALTHIER, HAPPIER person!!




As I close this blog today, remember my motto and remember to tell yourself everyday....


YOU ARE #1 IN YOUR LIFE!!


Remember to take care of yourself first and other's second!!


Keep the prayer's coming!!


And until next time,


GOD SPEED!!
Tony

Shoes In Church

This was shared with me and I would like to share it with you....


Shoes In Church

I showered and shaved............. I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat.............. In a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer......... As I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me..... Touching my own. I sighed.
With plenty of room on either side...... I thought, 'Why must our soles touch?'
It bothered me, his shoe touching mine... But it didn't bother him much.
A prayer began: 'Our Father'.............. I thought, 'This man with the shoes, has no pride.
They're dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse, there are holes on the side!'
'Thank You for blessings,' the prayer went on.
The shoe man said............... A quiet 'Amen.'
I tried to focus on the prayer....... But my thoughts were on his shoes again.
Aren't we supposed to look our best. When walking through that door?
'Well, this certainly isn't it,' I thought, Glancing toward the floor.
Then the prayer was ended........... And the songs of praise began.
The shoe man was certainly loud..... Sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters........ His hands were raised high.
The Lord could surely hear. The shoe man's voice from the sky.
It was time for the offering...... And what I threw in was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached.... Into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out......... What the shoe man put in.
Then I heard a soft 'clink', as when silver hits tin.
The sermon really bored me......... To tears, and that's no lie.
It was the same for the shoe man... For tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service....... As is the custom here.
We must greet new visitors, And show them all good cheer.
But I felt moved somehow.............. And wanted to meet the shoe man.
So after the closing prayer......... I reached over and shook his hand.
He was old and his skin was dark..... And his hair was truly a mess.
But I thanked him for coming........... For being our guest.
He said, 'My names' Charlie............ I'm glad to meet you, my friend.'
There were tears in his eyes......... But he had a large, wide grin.
'Let me explain,' he said........... Wiping tears from his eyes.
'I've been coming here for months..... And you're the first to say 'Hi.''
'I know that my appearance..........'Is not like all the rest.
'But I really do try.................'To always look my best.'
'I always clean and polish my shoes...'Before my very long walk.
'But by the time I get here.........'They're dirty and dusty, like chalk.'
My heart filled with pain............ And I swallowed to hide my tears.
As he continued to apologize......... For daring to sit so near He said,
'When I get here............'I know I must look a sight.
'But I thought if I could touch you..'Then maybe our souls might unite.'
I was silent for a moment............ Knowing whatever was said
Would pale in comparison... I spoke from my heart, not my head.
'Oh, you've touched me,' I said.......'And taught me, in part;
'That the best of any man............'Is what is found in his heart.'
The rest, I thought,................. This shoe man will never know.
Like just how thankful I really am.... That his dirty old shoe touched my soul!

To all my friends and family, THANK YOU for touching my soul! You are special to me and you have made a difference in my life. I respect you, and truly cherish you. No matter how often we talk, or how close we are, I will never forget you.

I challenge each of you to touch someone elses soul as you have touched mine!!

BUMP in the road...

Words for today.... Everyday do your best, God will do the rest!!

A BIG THANK YOU to all of you who have left encouraging comments and/or emails. Your encouragement helps to get me through each day as I take this journey one day at a time!

So, this has been a very stressful 4 1/2 days!!

You ask why?, well on this past Friday, late afternoon, I received a phone call from the office of my cardiologist, Dr. Rajendran Sabapathy (brother of my psychologist), informing me that I need to be seen ASAP! So, I asked the nurse why and why after 4 months(I had a 2 part stress test back in May and as far as I knew everything was fine and the clearance for surgery was faxed to Dr. Hoehn).

Explanation given:

Nurse: "All I can say is that the second part of your stress test came back irregular and the problem needs to be resolved ASAP and prior to surgery."

Me: "Ok, so why am I just now being notified after 4 months of having the stress test, and, can you give me more detail as to what the irregularities are?"

Nurse: "I can't go into detail, you have to see the doctor."

Me: "Ok, again, why is this an emergency after 4 months, and what does this do to my scheduled surgery date?"

Nurse: "Mr. Hatmaker, I can't go into detail, you will have to see the doctor, can you come in today(Friday)?"

Me: "There is no way that I can come in today and does this mean that my scheduled surgery date will be moved?"

Nurse: "Yes, it is possible!"

So, the conversation continued and I continued to get angry as well as nervous, scared and anything else that you can think of! I spent the last 4 1/2 days worrying about what could possibly be happening and why now! I mean, everything to this point has gone as planned and I had even received clearance from Dr. Sabapathy that I could proceed with my surgery.

I have been feeling great and walking 4-5 days a week, several days I made it 2 miles and felt refreshed! However, I have noticed that when my heart rate is elevated or I am stressed, I have some fluttering. Well, me being the stubborn person that I sometimes can be, I blew it off as my body and heart adjusting to the changes that I am putting it through, when I should have notified Dr. Sabapathy of the changes!

So, today(Tuesday morning) finally arrives and my wife and I began the trip to Liberty Hospital at 6:45am. We arrive at 7:30am, I check in and fill out more paper work. I am tired of signing my name and filling out the same information over and over again, but hey, they have to have it. Finally at 8:30am I am taken back to my room, by this time I am irritated, my blood pressure is 153/98 and the nurse is tip toeing around me...SHAME ON ME for making her nervous!! Oh, by the way, she happens to be the one that called me on Friday to give me no explanation!

Did I tell you that I have been fasting now for nearly 48hrs....yesterday I had to give blood for what I thought would be my last pre-op clearance and on Friday, the nurse informed me that I needed to fast in the event there would be blood drawn on this morning. Well, I went to my room, I undressed(don't get excited, it was only my shirt and t-shirt! HA!), put on a gown, and waited another HOUR before Dr. Sabapathy came in the room.

So, remember I said I was angry, nervous and upset as well as hungry......so, I started in on Dr. Sabapathy before he could even tell me what the problem was. You see, my focus was not on the problem, but I needed to know why it took them 4 months to notify me of a problem....then I heard a voice within say LISTEN!!!

You know, at that point I was more interested in finding out why someone dropped the ball, but, because I listened to that inner voice, and LISTENED to Dr. Sabapathy, I was given an explanation that made me then begin to feel at ease in knowing that Dr. Sabapathy has my best interest at heart.

I knew I wasn't crazy, and he confirmed that he did send a clearance letter to Dr. Hoehn back in June, but Dr. Sabapathy pulled my chart again and began to review it!

It may seem strange to some that he would pull my chart again after 4 months, but you see, it isn't strange to me that he pulled my file to review. Remember, I have said all along that God is walking by my side throughout this journey. God is in control and although it may be strange to some that he pulled my file 4 months later, but God knew there was a problem and we need to take care of it!!

Dr. Sabapathy began to inform me that being a diabetic.... I quickly corrected him and said that I am not diabetic, that I am borderline and take the medication as a pre-caution.

So after I interrupted him once again, he quickly corrected me and informed me that there is no such thing as a borderline diabetic, if you take medication for diabetes, then your diabetic!! So, he continued to explain to me that being diabetic and the stress on the heart muscle that is showing up on the stress test results give him reason to schedule me for a heart catheter. I asked him to explain further and he told me that he would feel at peace knowing that he made 100% sure that there was no problems with my heart prior to having my surgery. He says that a guy my size and the peck muscles around the heart wall, compromise what he is able to see, so, he is taking that extra step to make sure that there are no issues.

A quick side note....no blood drawn! Can you see my face turning FIREBALL RED?!!

If Dr. Sababpathy finds a problem during the heart catheter procedure, he will fix the problem immediately, this may entail the placement of a stint. He says to me that we need to do this very quickly so that we can proceed with my scheduled surgery date.

So, the scheduling secretary comes in and says to me, "when do you want to have this done?", my response was "ASAP" being that I am anxious to get to the September 28th date, and begin my HEALTHIER, HAPPIER life!

Well, to my surprise, she came in the room 15 minutes later and said..."Dr. Sabapathy will see you at 7am tomorrow morning at Shawnee Mission Medical Center."

WOW!! Then fear set in, I walked out of the room and into the waiting room with my head down and my mind racing! I was moving so fast that I didn't even notice my wonderful friend, and, as I call her, my ANGEL, waiting in the waiting room for Vern and I. Mind you, I left Vern lagging behind me until I heard her voice, in high pitch and happy, say "Hey Robyn!" I stopped, turned around and there to my surprise was my heaven sent ANGEL!

Have you ever been in such stress and fear, but when you see or hear the voice of a certain person, you immediately relax and feel peace over take you? Well, when I heard Vern say "Hey Robyn" and I turned to see her glowing, smiling face, PEACE fell over me!! Robyn surprised me and by no co-incidence! When God is in control, there are no co-incidences. You see, Robyn was there to see her father who is undergoing radiation for cancer at Liberty Hospital, and, she knew that I was going to be at Liberty Hospital this morning, but, she had no idea which building or my doctor's name. I feel she was lead by the spirit to be where she needed to be and at the right time!!

I have had my moments today, but God has shown me too many times today that He is still travelling along side of me through this journey and He will never leave me!! You see, he put it on Dr. Sabapathy's mind to look back over my chart... he will do the procedure to make 100% sure that I can withstand the surgery....God sent His angel to brighten my spirits and to blanket me with His peace and love!

THANK YOU Robyn for following your heart and being in the waiting room when Vern and I came out!!

THANK YOU to my wife for cancelling her business trip to be by my side during this process, you know that you are my ANGEL as well and we share everyday life together! I LOVE YOU!!

People, this is just one more example that when you live for Christ Jesus, He will take care of you!! I BEG each of you to search deep within your heart, your spirit, your mind, your body and soul and ask yourself, "do you have peace in knowing that if the heaven's opened up today, that Jesus will open his hands and say to you, "Well done my good and faithful servant!"? "

My prayer is that each of you that read this blog will find that inner peace!! If you are struggling with an addiction, whether it be food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, etc., PLEASE take control of your life today and ask God to help you through your journey to defeat your addiction and let the devil know that he is a liar and you will become a HEALTHIER, HAPPIER you!!

This is just a small bump in the road, but it's a bump that I have to say that I am glad that I am crossing it!!

I am counting this as a blessing, for if I were not taking this journey to a HEALTHIER, HAPPIER life, I would not have had the stress test and therefore the outcome may have been fatal! I am thanking Jesus for this blessing and thanking Him for his grace and mercy!!


On a lighter note, I want to give a SPECIAL THANK YOU to my first babysitter who has always found a way to keep in contact with me and encourage me throughout the last 39 years of my life!! Lisa Smith Clark, THANK YOU!!

I ask that each of you that read this blog, please continue to encourage me, pray for me and my family and friends!!

Also, I ask that you pray for Robyn's dad, pray for his strength, healing and peace during this time of treatment, and pray for Robyn and her family as they walk this journey with him!!


Remember,

YOU ARE #1 IN YOUR LIFE,

so be sure to take care of you FIRST!!!

Isaiah 41:10 - Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Have a wonderful, blessed day!

Tony

P.S. - I will try to update with the results of the heart catheter as soon as I can!!

Tips that helped me lose...

Happy Hump Day everyone!!

Did you realize that today is "09/09/09"?! Pretty COOL!

Once again I would like to take a quick moment to say THANK YOU to all of you who have commented on my blogs as well as the emails of encouragement. Your encouraging words help get me through some very tough days!! Please keep them coming and remember to keep me in your prayers.

Today I would like to share a couple of tips with you that has been a tremendous help to me in losing my initial 60lbs.

First and foremost, you have to be willing to change your eating habits. I was a one meal a day eater for so many years, and when I sat down to eat that one meal, I ate and I ate until I was STUFFED and most times MISERABLE! Now this didn't happen all the time, but I will admit, it was most times.

So saying that, break your meals up into 3 small meals a day(breakfast, lunch and dinner) and then in between those meals, if you get hungry, have a piece of fruit a boiled egg or a cheese stick, maybe add a little protien and wrap a slice of deli turkey or deli chicken around that cheese stick. I have found that doing this has made a tremendous difference in my eating patterns and I am not starving by the time I sit down to eat.

Secondly, remember to enjoy your food, savor the flavors while your eating, so take your time and eat SLOWLY!

This next tip FLOORED me when I actually paid attention to my bodies involuntary reactions! Not everyone get's these involuntary signs, but I would be willing to say that most people do. So, I say, pay close attention and if these signs happen to you, take a minute to focus on it and ask yourself "am I satisfied" and if you are satisfied, stop eating and dismiss yourself from the table.

They call these signs a "SOFT STOP" and listed below are 5 involuntary signs that your body has had enough to eat...

1. Sigh
2. Runny nose
3. Hiccup
4. Sneeze
5. Watering of the eyes

The first time I paid attention to my involuntary sign, I had sat down with family and friends at a buffet setting for a birthday breakfast. Let me tell you, buffets hated to see me come in the door, they see this BIG FELLA, and they think to themselves that I was getting ready to wear that buffet out!! HAHA! Well, I usually would eat my fare share of food, but on this particular morning, I loaded my plate up as I usually would and headed back to the table. I sat down and began to partake in the heaping plate of delicious breakfast food, and about half way through my first plate, I caught myself take a "BIG SIGH".....

WOW! For the first time, I paid attention to my bodies reaction to something!!
I sat back and pondered on how I was feeling, was this a joke or was this really happening. I said to myself, "DUDE, you are not hungry, you have a satisfied feeling in your stomach, so STOP now!"

Well, STOP is exactly what I did!! I pushed the plate away, looking at it thinking to myself that I just wasted enough food to feed at least 2 children or even a hungry adult. You see, ususally I would go back to the buffet line 2-3 more times, but from that day forward, I knew it was time to STOP!

I no longer do the "buffet" thing, as it is a waste of my hard earned money and the wonderful thing about it, I knew I was taking another step at taking control of my life!

Also, fast food is a no no, those "Golden Arches" and that dude they call a "King", well, they will super duper size your meal just to see you become "SUPER SIZED"!!!

As time has gone along, I find myself having a "RUNNY NOSE", so what do I do?, I STOP and push away from the table!

Tip #4 - WATER WATER WATER!!!!!! I was a coke aholic. I drank a bottle or can of coke everyday and multiple times a day. If there was a 12 pack of Coke in the house, it would disappear within 2 days!! I was dumping sugar and caffeine into my body so rapidly that I couldn't burn it off fast enough, so, what does that do to you?, it makes you gain weight. Also, caffeine is a stimulant, it not only stimulates the brain, but it also stimulates the stomach making you feel hungry.

I haven't had a coke since this past January, and I can honestly say that I DO NOT miss it at all!!

Drinks that you should avoid:
Soda, Sports drinks, Smoothies, Milk Shakes, Fruit Juices, Alcohol, Sparkling Water and caffeinated beverages.

Replace these with water, trust me, you will feel so much better. I can tell you how much better I feel by replacing my favorite drinks with water. It is important to drink at least 64oz of water a day, and of course, the more the better.

Functions of water in the body:
-It is a component of all body tissues
-It transports nutrients and all body substances
-It regulates body temperature
-It is essential for all bodily functions
-It carries nutrients and oxygen to cells
-It slightly increases your metabolism

Remember, WATER WATER WATER AND MORE WATER!!!!!!

Tip #5 - EXERCISE!!!

Regular exercise is a very important part of your life!!

I have always struggled with exercising, but let me tell you, when I made up my mind that I was going to do something about my life, my health and my happiness, exercise became a very important tool. I started out walking 1 mile a day. It was very hard at first, but making myself get up in the morning and heading out the door became a routine for me. When I miss a day of walking, I feel terrible, I don't have the energy that I would have had if I took that walk. Start out slow and as you make it a part of your lifestyle and daily regimen, you will find that you walk faster and may even want to walk an extra 1/2 mile or even mile.

What was taking me 37 minutes to walk a mile several months ago, now takes me 17 - 20 minutes depending on the pain I have in my knees that day, and some days I feel so good, that I take that extra mile!!!

Try to add at least 30-60 minutes of exercise everyday(break it up into 10 minute increments if you need to)! You will feel so much better, plus, you get to enjoy nature, the fresh air and most days the sun and cool breeze! Saying that, it is time for me to head out the door to get my walk on!!

Have a GREAT DAY and remember....

YOU ARE #1 IN YOUR LIFE!!!!

Take control and live a HEALTHIER, HAPPIER LIFE!!

God Speed!!
Tony

My own little therapy session...

Happy Friday!

I start today's blog entry off by saying THANK YOU to those of you who have commented on my first blog. Your encouraging words and the out pouring of care really have touched my heart.

So you read the title to this entry and your saying to yourself "what does he mean by that?"! Well, I will share with you what I mean...

You see, I have never in my life sat down and wrote(or typed) my feelings, what I am thinking, etc.. I always thought about doing it, but thought, "for what, what good is it going to do me?". Ha, I wish now that I had done this a long time ago!!

When I sat down yesterday with the mind set that I was sharing with people all over the world, and praying that by blogging my journey, that I would reach at least one person somewhere, whether they battle obesity and the addiction to food, or even alcohol, drugs, shopping, YES ladies, I said it, SHOPPING!! LOL!!

But as I began to type, and let me tell you, I truly feel that I was being obedient to God, because I began to type and I couldn't stop, the words from deep deep within me began to flow...

and then......here it goes......the answer to your question...... I then sat back and began to read what I had typed... and the healing process began to take place, Thank you Jesus!!

You see, by me writing what I had felt for so long, and then reading it back to myself, I was able to let God work in my heart, my body, work in my spirit and work deep within my soul. See, I have never really let the healing process begin. Yes, I have let it touch the surface, but I never really let God get down right deep within and cleanse the hurt, the pain and the guilt.

YES, I have alot of guilt, and you may ask why?. Well the guilt comes from the fact that I have allowed myself to become this 400lb man. That I didn't take heed too so many warning signs that my life was heading into a spiralling down hill hurl. And maybe I shouldn't say LIFE, but I should focus on the true problem which is my HEALTH, because LIFE is GOOD! God has blessed me with wonderful family members and the best of friends that any man could have, a good paying job and so on and so forth. So by putting my thoughts and my feelings into words, I was able to reflect on so many things that I have refused to deal with, and so MY OWN LITTLE THERAPY SESSION began!!

One thing that I will admit today, and I am admitting this to myself, because I have to take responsibility for my own actions...

So, I am admitting that I am, have always been and will always be a caregiver for others. My therapy starts with this, I have to tell myself that it's ok to care for other's, BUT, here it is....I HAVE TO NOW START CARING FOR NUMERO UNO!! Yup, that means ME!! So, when you see that I am not taking care of myself FIRST, Please stop me and remind me that I am #1 in my life, and if I don't take care of me first, then I won't be able to take care of other's!!

My wonderful friend Robyn will tell you that I PREACH those words all the time(YOU are #1 in your life), but guess what, I have FAILED to walk the talk!!

I take this time today to reflect on how WONDERFUL each of you are to me and how FANTASTIC God is! I pray that each of you who read this entry be blessed today, stay focused on your journey and choose your battles wisely, choose those battles that you have no doubt in your mind that with the help of God you will be a WINNER!!

Much love to you all and have a GREAT DAY!

NAS - Jeremiah 33:6 "Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth."

God speed!
Tony

The Decision

Where do I begin...

First let me say that I have struggled with weight gain my entire life. You've all heard it before, kids being mean, making fun of me, bullies trying to fight me(well, I could hold my own).

I began this journey nearly 4 years ago when I injured my right knee while getting out of my car and slipping on the ice covered driveway. After many x-rays, doctor visits, Supartz injections and an orthopedic surgeon (Dr. Steven T. Joyce) telling me that he would not operate on my knee because I was a HIGH RISK for death on his operating table.

You see, Dr. Joyce and I go way back to the 1980's when he performed what was then his very first orthoscopic knee surgery on my left knee, yes, I was his guinea pig if you want to call it that! LOL! When he told me this(HIGH RISK for DEATH), I was first angry (how dare he tell me that I was obese) but then I began to realize that this man was only wanting to help me. Well, first I had to want too help myself, so, I continued on with the Supartz injections, $150 a shot, times 6 shot's, 1 shot per week...and the first round of 6 lasted me all of 3 months, so, needless to say, I was back in his office once again 6 months later asking him to repair my knee and again he said "NO"!! Well, I took on another 6 weeks of injections and thankfully they lasted a good year this go around. Nearly 2 years later, I still have the same aching, throbbing, swollen knee and guess what....I was another 70lbs heavier, that's right 70 POUNDS HEAVIER!!!

You notice that I never said that I began to help myself, right? RIGHT!!
I continued on with my daily routines, still trying to enjoy the things that I loved to do, helping friends with "Honey Do List", painting, pressure washing and staining decks and so on and so forth. As time went along, I noticed that I was starting to sit around the house more, no energy to do anything, no longer enjoying the things that I always enjoyed doing, etc., and did I mention that I started to feel somewhat depressed, of course I would have never admitted it if you asked me, LOL!

Finally, after seeing my dad struggle the last 5-6 years and realizing that I was heading down the same path as he had but at a much younger age and going to bed at night praying that I would wake up in the morning to another day and another chance, but really feeling as though I had a higher chance of my wife waking to find a lifeless body next to her, I knew it was now time for me to HELP MYSELF!!

Let me tell you, it is a miserable feeling laying your head on your pillow at night not knowing if you will see another day. Friends and family, I knew that if I did not do something to change my life style, my behaviors, my habits, etc., that you would all be attending my funeral before the end of 2009! I am a young 43 year old man that has a zest for life and there is no way that I was going to allow this to happen to me, let alone to all of you who LOVE me!

One other thing that I forgot to mention, in January of 2009, I promised a very dear friend that I would paint her laundry room in memory of her sorority sister that had passed away just prior to Christmas 2008 of a very rare form of cancer, many of you remember me talking about this young, beautiful girl. Well, in February, I took on the challenge, and I have to say myself, that it is the most FUN "Pink Laundry Room" I have ever seen(patting myself and Robyn on the back)! When I completed this project(Robyn it's not your fault!!), I suffered with pain for nearly a month, many days I woke up wondering how I would get through the day, but God knew that I wanted to be around for many more years to come and He has held my hand through this journey!! Thank you Jesus for believing in me!!

February 20, 2009, I went to the doctor, feeling like life was coming to a very quick end for me. I looked into my doctor's eyes and said "I need help, I can't do it by myself any longer", his response to me was, "I am glad that this day has finally arrived". Dr. Munger (has cared for me for the past 10 yrs.)asked me what did I want to do about my situation and I told him that I needed a tool that would help me lose the weight and at that point we looked at my options and began this process.

Now, there are many many many things that I have chosen to exclude from this blog, TMI, you might say, but what I have written, gives you a pretty good idea of what I have been going through over the years.

So, the journey begins February 20, 2009 - My weight that day...are you ready.....426lbs.

Oh, by the way, I had thought about this whole process for a couple of years and had attended 2 informational sessions, the latest back in October 2008, so I was somewhat in the process back then, but never really jumped on board at that time. Also, I had been declined once by my insurance, although my doctor wrote a letter stating that it was a life or death situation. In February when I filled out the pages and pages of paper work for the insurance company, I had a real eye opener, I had 6 of the 7 medical conditions that was listed on the form. What did this mean, well, basically it meant that I would be approved for surgery, although, it took them nearly 2 months to give the thumbs up.

Now, nearly 8 months later, and several habit changes, the want too do things and many many pre-op procedures that I won't even mention here... just believe me, it hasn't been fun, but guess what, in the end it is going to be SO WORTH IT!!

Today, Thursday, September 3, 2009, I weigh 360lbs, yes, I have lost 66lbs., I am walking 1 mile, sometimes 2 miles a day, I am eating the right things, eating more times a day than I ever have, but eating enough to be satisfied and not stuffed!! The key words are SATISFIED and NOT STUFFED!!

During this process, I have been given great tools and have learned from a very knowledgeable, personable nutritionist, that really opened my eyes to the body and how it communicates to each of us, most of us choose to ignore all the signs that it has HAD ENOUGH!!

I have had some very challenging situations arise the last couple months, dad's illness and passing a month ago today, as well as some other things that I choose not to discuss in this blog, as they are very hurting and I am trying to let go and let God handle them for me!!

Once again, I will say that I asked my doctor for a TOOL to help me lose the weight that I have struggled with since I was a child. I have had many people, as well as seen or heard comments from people that say "oh, you're taking the easy way out", SHAME on them for thinking and saying those words. Everyone has some sort of an addiction and there are tools for everyone to use and I have chosen this tool to help me fight my addiction of food!!

So, you ask, "what is this TOOL?", well my tool of choice is the Roux-en-Y Surgery, also known as the Gastric Bypass.

Dr. Stanley D. Hoehn, M.D. (Shawnee Mission Medical Center) is my surgeon of choice... http://www.kcbariatric.com/t_bariatric_staff_hoehn.php

I have met with Dr. Hoehn on 3 occasions... Seminar, first consultation and he did my pre-op EGD procedure. I can't say enough good things about him. Dr. Hoehn is a very caring, personable doctor who cares deeply about his patience. He looks you in the eyes when speaking with you and I have never had a doctor too hold my hand or arm while providing me with information pertaining to my needs. I am looking forward to a great medical relationship with him. Dr. Hoehn's staff is great as well, they return my calls within a timely manner and have answered all my questions pertaining to procedures, appointments, etc..

During this process, I have had to meet with a psychologist and let me tell you, I am so glad and thankful that I did.

Dr. Ravi Sabapathy, PsyD. LP (Center For Pain Medicine, Shawnee Mission Medical Center)...... http://www.kcbariatric.com/t_bariatric_staff_sabapathy.php

My first time meeting with Dr. Sabapathy was this past March. Dr. Sabapathy made me feel at ease and very comfortable, I mean, I opened up to him immediately and from that day forward, my healing process began. I have continued to meet with him every 2 weeks since March. Dr. Sabapathy is a genuine person and he never gets in a rush. My sessions with him have been one of the best things I could have ever done, he has helped me deal with some deep, life long issues that I probably would have never dealt with. Also, I must say, he is truly a God send to me, each time I have something happen in my life during the past 8 months, it never fails that I have an appointment with him the following morning. For example, when I received the phone call from dad that he was in the hospital, the next morning I had an appointment... the day before I left to go see dad, I had an appointment... the day I returned from seeing dad, I had an appointment the next morning... the night dad passed, I had an appointment the next morning...well, you see now what I mean! God is an AWESOME God!!

My scheduled surgery date is Monday morning, September 28, 2009, at Shawnee Mission Medical Center, Shawnee Mission, Kansas.

This is just a brief, but long insight into my life the past 3-4 years. My hope in providing this information and updating the blog during my journey, is that it helps someone else out there that is struggling with weight gain and the effects that it has on your mind, body and spirit.

I will say THANK YOU to my wife, she has had first hand experience in my journey... my mom, who has been by my side and worried day and night about me through the years... my brother, who has shared so many things with me, things that others will never know about... my dad, who has worried about me, his soul is at peace and his spirit lives through me... my in-laws who have been an inspiration as well as my second parents, I couldn't ask for better in-laws... my sister-in-laws, brother-in-laws, nieces, nephews...thanks for putting up with me, you all know that I love each of you... my Uncle Jim, you never knew that I needed you to talk too when you would call and say you were on your way, THANKS!! Dewayne and Mary, you already know... I LOVE YOU BOTH more than you will ever know! Robyn, what can I say...well I say it all the time, YOU ARE MY ANGEL! Thank you for putting up with me...LOVE YA! Becky, THANK YOU, you have been in my corner from the first day I met you, thanks for lending me your ear and your shoulder's, LOVE YA! Kerri, thanks for the encouraging words, LOVE YA!! Cousin Jill, you know that you are my rock, THANK YOU and LOVE YA!! Ms. Stephanie, I have felt your many prayers and THANK YOU! Susana, thank you for your prayer's, your concern and the encouraging words! Harriett, your care, concern and love for me is untouchable, Thank You!! To my late grandmother, Margie Faye, she always told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be and do whatever I wanted to do, those words have stuck with me throughout my life! To my co-workers, you guys are awesome, THANK YOU for your support, concern and care, you guys are like my brothers and sisters! Sister Brenda Jenkins, THANK YOU for always asking about me and loving me from afar, your many prayers have been felt, I LOVE YOU!! Tammy (my lil sis), you already know!! LOVE YA! Sister Patti Schibler, my spiritual mother, I miss you and LOVE YOU! Pastor Eric and Lady V, THANK YOU for being my spiritual source and my long time friends, I LOVE YOU GUYS!! To all of you that I didn't mention, it wasn't intentional, and I'm sure as time goes and many post appear, you will find your name mentioned as well, but THANK YOU too!!

And the one THANK YOU that means more to me than any goes to my Heavenly Father, for without you I do not know where I would be!




"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..." Phillipians 4:13

Stay tuned as I will update real soon!!

P.S. - The one thing that I would ask each of you to do, is to keep me and my family and friends in your daily/nightly prayers!

P.S.S. - Also, if you know someone who is battling obesity and you think my blog spot would help make a difference in their life, PLEASE SHARE WITH THEM!

Thank you!
Tony Hatmaker