The Decision

Where do I begin...

First let me say that I have struggled with weight gain my entire life. You've all heard it before, kids being mean, making fun of me, bullies trying to fight me(well, I could hold my own).

I began this journey nearly 4 years ago when I injured my right knee while getting out of my car and slipping on the ice covered driveway. After many x-rays, doctor visits, Supartz injections and an orthopedic surgeon (Dr. Steven T. Joyce) telling me that he would not operate on my knee because I was a HIGH RISK for death on his operating table.

You see, Dr. Joyce and I go way back to the 1980's when he performed what was then his very first orthoscopic knee surgery on my left knee, yes, I was his guinea pig if you want to call it that! LOL! When he told me this(HIGH RISK for DEATH), I was first angry (how dare he tell me that I was obese) but then I began to realize that this man was only wanting to help me. Well, first I had to want too help myself, so, I continued on with the Supartz injections, $150 a shot, times 6 shot's, 1 shot per week...and the first round of 6 lasted me all of 3 months, so, needless to say, I was back in his office once again 6 months later asking him to repair my knee and again he said "NO"!! Well, I took on another 6 weeks of injections and thankfully they lasted a good year this go around. Nearly 2 years later, I still have the same aching, throbbing, swollen knee and guess what....I was another 70lbs heavier, that's right 70 POUNDS HEAVIER!!!

You notice that I never said that I began to help myself, right? RIGHT!!
I continued on with my daily routines, still trying to enjoy the things that I loved to do, helping friends with "Honey Do List", painting, pressure washing and staining decks and so on and so forth. As time went along, I noticed that I was starting to sit around the house more, no energy to do anything, no longer enjoying the things that I always enjoyed doing, etc., and did I mention that I started to feel somewhat depressed, of course I would have never admitted it if you asked me, LOL!

Finally, after seeing my dad struggle the last 5-6 years and realizing that I was heading down the same path as he had but at a much younger age and going to bed at night praying that I would wake up in the morning to another day and another chance, but really feeling as though I had a higher chance of my wife waking to find a lifeless body next to her, I knew it was now time for me to HELP MYSELF!!

Let me tell you, it is a miserable feeling laying your head on your pillow at night not knowing if you will see another day. Friends and family, I knew that if I did not do something to change my life style, my behaviors, my habits, etc., that you would all be attending my funeral before the end of 2009! I am a young 43 year old man that has a zest for life and there is no way that I was going to allow this to happen to me, let alone to all of you who LOVE me!

One other thing that I forgot to mention, in January of 2009, I promised a very dear friend that I would paint her laundry room in memory of her sorority sister that had passed away just prior to Christmas 2008 of a very rare form of cancer, many of you remember me talking about this young, beautiful girl. Well, in February, I took on the challenge, and I have to say myself, that it is the most FUN "Pink Laundry Room" I have ever seen(patting myself and Robyn on the back)! When I completed this project(Robyn it's not your fault!!), I suffered with pain for nearly a month, many days I woke up wondering how I would get through the day, but God knew that I wanted to be around for many more years to come and He has held my hand through this journey!! Thank you Jesus for believing in me!!

February 20, 2009, I went to the doctor, feeling like life was coming to a very quick end for me. I looked into my doctor's eyes and said "I need help, I can't do it by myself any longer", his response to me was, "I am glad that this day has finally arrived". Dr. Munger (has cared for me for the past 10 yrs.)asked me what did I want to do about my situation and I told him that I needed a tool that would help me lose the weight and at that point we looked at my options and began this process.

Now, there are many many many things that I have chosen to exclude from this blog, TMI, you might say, but what I have written, gives you a pretty good idea of what I have been going through over the years.

So, the journey begins February 20, 2009 - My weight that day...are you ready.....426lbs.

Oh, by the way, I had thought about this whole process for a couple of years and had attended 2 informational sessions, the latest back in October 2008, so I was somewhat in the process back then, but never really jumped on board at that time. Also, I had been declined once by my insurance, although my doctor wrote a letter stating that it was a life or death situation. In February when I filled out the pages and pages of paper work for the insurance company, I had a real eye opener, I had 6 of the 7 medical conditions that was listed on the form. What did this mean, well, basically it meant that I would be approved for surgery, although, it took them nearly 2 months to give the thumbs up.

Now, nearly 8 months later, and several habit changes, the want too do things and many many pre-op procedures that I won't even mention here... just believe me, it hasn't been fun, but guess what, in the end it is going to be SO WORTH IT!!

Today, Thursday, September 3, 2009, I weigh 360lbs, yes, I have lost 66lbs., I am walking 1 mile, sometimes 2 miles a day, I am eating the right things, eating more times a day than I ever have, but eating enough to be satisfied and not stuffed!! The key words are SATISFIED and NOT STUFFED!!

During this process, I have been given great tools and have learned from a very knowledgeable, personable nutritionist, that really opened my eyes to the body and how it communicates to each of us, most of us choose to ignore all the signs that it has HAD ENOUGH!!

I have had some very challenging situations arise the last couple months, dad's illness and passing a month ago today, as well as some other things that I choose not to discuss in this blog, as they are very hurting and I am trying to let go and let God handle them for me!!

Once again, I will say that I asked my doctor for a TOOL to help me lose the weight that I have struggled with since I was a child. I have had many people, as well as seen or heard comments from people that say "oh, you're taking the easy way out", SHAME on them for thinking and saying those words. Everyone has some sort of an addiction and there are tools for everyone to use and I have chosen this tool to help me fight my addiction of food!!

So, you ask, "what is this TOOL?", well my tool of choice is the Roux-en-Y Surgery, also known as the Gastric Bypass.

Dr. Stanley D. Hoehn, M.D. (Shawnee Mission Medical Center) is my surgeon of choice... http://www.kcbariatric.com/t_bariatric_staff_hoehn.php

I have met with Dr. Hoehn on 3 occasions... Seminar, first consultation and he did my pre-op EGD procedure. I can't say enough good things about him. Dr. Hoehn is a very caring, personable doctor who cares deeply about his patience. He looks you in the eyes when speaking with you and I have never had a doctor too hold my hand or arm while providing me with information pertaining to my needs. I am looking forward to a great medical relationship with him. Dr. Hoehn's staff is great as well, they return my calls within a timely manner and have answered all my questions pertaining to procedures, appointments, etc..

During this process, I have had to meet with a psychologist and let me tell you, I am so glad and thankful that I did.

Dr. Ravi Sabapathy, PsyD. LP (Center For Pain Medicine, Shawnee Mission Medical Center)...... http://www.kcbariatric.com/t_bariatric_staff_sabapathy.php

My first time meeting with Dr. Sabapathy was this past March. Dr. Sabapathy made me feel at ease and very comfortable, I mean, I opened up to him immediately and from that day forward, my healing process began. I have continued to meet with him every 2 weeks since March. Dr. Sabapathy is a genuine person and he never gets in a rush. My sessions with him have been one of the best things I could have ever done, he has helped me deal with some deep, life long issues that I probably would have never dealt with. Also, I must say, he is truly a God send to me, each time I have something happen in my life during the past 8 months, it never fails that I have an appointment with him the following morning. For example, when I received the phone call from dad that he was in the hospital, the next morning I had an appointment... the day before I left to go see dad, I had an appointment... the day I returned from seeing dad, I had an appointment the next morning... the night dad passed, I had an appointment the next morning...well, you see now what I mean! God is an AWESOME God!!

My scheduled surgery date is Monday morning, September 28, 2009, at Shawnee Mission Medical Center, Shawnee Mission, Kansas.

This is just a brief, but long insight into my life the past 3-4 years. My hope in providing this information and updating the blog during my journey, is that it helps someone else out there that is struggling with weight gain and the effects that it has on your mind, body and spirit.

I will say THANK YOU to my wife, she has had first hand experience in my journey... my mom, who has been by my side and worried day and night about me through the years... my brother, who has shared so many things with me, things that others will never know about... my dad, who has worried about me, his soul is at peace and his spirit lives through me... my in-laws who have been an inspiration as well as my second parents, I couldn't ask for better in-laws... my sister-in-laws, brother-in-laws, nieces, nephews...thanks for putting up with me, you all know that I love each of you... my Uncle Jim, you never knew that I needed you to talk too when you would call and say you were on your way, THANKS!! Dewayne and Mary, you already know... I LOVE YOU BOTH more than you will ever know! Robyn, what can I say...well I say it all the time, YOU ARE MY ANGEL! Thank you for putting up with me...LOVE YA! Becky, THANK YOU, you have been in my corner from the first day I met you, thanks for lending me your ear and your shoulder's, LOVE YA! Kerri, thanks for the encouraging words, LOVE YA!! Cousin Jill, you know that you are my rock, THANK YOU and LOVE YA!! Ms. Stephanie, I have felt your many prayers and THANK YOU! Susana, thank you for your prayer's, your concern and the encouraging words! Harriett, your care, concern and love for me is untouchable, Thank You!! To my late grandmother, Margie Faye, she always told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be and do whatever I wanted to do, those words have stuck with me throughout my life! To my co-workers, you guys are awesome, THANK YOU for your support, concern and care, you guys are like my brothers and sisters! Sister Brenda Jenkins, THANK YOU for always asking about me and loving me from afar, your many prayers have been felt, I LOVE YOU!! Tammy (my lil sis), you already know!! LOVE YA! Sister Patti Schibler, my spiritual mother, I miss you and LOVE YOU! Pastor Eric and Lady V, THANK YOU for being my spiritual source and my long time friends, I LOVE YOU GUYS!! To all of you that I didn't mention, it wasn't intentional, and I'm sure as time goes and many post appear, you will find your name mentioned as well, but THANK YOU too!!

And the one THANK YOU that means more to me than any goes to my Heavenly Father, for without you I do not know where I would be!




"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..." Phillipians 4:13

Stay tuned as I will update real soon!!

P.S. - The one thing that I would ask each of you to do, is to keep me and my family and friends in your daily/nightly prayers!

P.S.S. - Also, if you know someone who is battling obesity and you think my blog spot would help make a difference in their life, PLEASE SHARE WITH THEM!

Thank you!
Tony Hatmaker