SPINNING...

I AM UNDER CONSTRUCTION...A WORK IN PROGRESS!!

Today I am going to try very hard to make this a short entry, but, no promises!!

As I sit here this morning, I am trying to put so many pieces to this puzzle called MY JOURNEY together, but I feel as though I am SPINNING out of control!

See this past week, heck seems like two weeks, my emotions have flown to an increased level that I felt I had no control over. But as I have allowed myself to process those emotions, I have began to learn so much about myself and the people that are closest to me! Now I'm not talking about family, I'm speaking about friends!

Yesterday my baby sissy-in-law, my #1 fan from Houston, Texas called to see how I was doing and apparently the tone of my voice triggered that there was something wrong. She asked me what was wrong and I began to open up to her and tell her just how I am feeling on the inside, my spirit and my soul! I won't go into detail as I have done a good job of that in the last couple of entries, but she said these words to me:

"ToneTone, you are a one of a kind individual, God gave you a heart and spirit of LOVE, CARING and GIVING and you CANNOT expect others to be like YOU."

She said to me that she understood that it is hurtful when you expect certain people in your life to be by your side when you need them the most and they don't respond, but she said something to me that clicked...

"ToneTone, what comes natural to you, is usually a BURDEN to someone else!"

WOW!! I never looked at the situation like that, people have become so contained with their own lives that when there is something extra to add to it, it is a BURDEN, so why be BURDENED when it's easier to continue on doing what you are accustomed to doing!?!

Joyell told me to STOP expecting, once I stop expecting people to do what I have expected from them, then my JOURNEY will move along FREELY!

So, today, I am taking my sissy-in-laws advise, I WILL NO LONGER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE, after all, I DO NOT WANT TO BE A BURDEN TO ANYBODY!!

In saying that, if I have to walk this JOURNEY alone from a natural sense, and only walk it from a spiritual sense with my Heavenly Father, then that's what I have to do! So, if you get left behind, don't blame me, I am on a JOURNEY and I can't let YOU stop me from accomplishing my goals......A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER LIFE!!

I asked God today, to give me the strength that I need to move forward and He assured me that He has yet to leave my side! He and I continue to walk this JOURNEY together, it's a long journey, but the end will be so SWEET!!

Moving on to how I am feeling and how the food introductions are going!

Last Friday evening was the highlight of the re-introduction of solid food products...Salmon for dinner. I was a little apprehensive to say the least, after all, Salmon is very strong and the texture is different. Now I like Salmon, but I knew this was going to be a challenge!! Yup, a challenge it was, let's just say that I will not be trying Salmon for a very long time!!! It tasted so good to me, but I could not get it to go down, I chewed and I chewed and I chewed and it still would not pass through the opening in my "new stomach". I have never experienced that kind of pain in my entire life, yes I have had some excruciating pain before, but this was a different kind of pain, it hurt so bad to have that Salmon sitting in the middle of my chest, that I had to go to bed for the rest of the night!!

Since the Salmon episode, I have struggled to add a new protien daily, as I am comfortable with what I know I can tolerate. However, last evening I did pan sear a 2 ounce piece of Orange Roughy that my dear friend Becky brought to me the evening before, and I was able to eat all but one bite!!

I am still having issues with the Protien drinks, my sense of smell and taste are so off, that I just can't get past it, but I know over time it will get better. My only concern is that I am not meeting the requirement of 60grams of protien a day, I am averaging 30-40grams, and I am sure that is why I am still very weak!

Please continue to pray for me! I am asking for specific prayers, pray for my strength and continued healing of my body, pray that my emotional state will be covered with God's peace and pray that my spirits become full of joy!!

I LOVE all of you!!

Remember...

YOU ARE #1 IN YOUR LIFE

Until the next post...

GOD SPEED!!
Tony